Well, in the spirit (not the Holy Spirit), but in the spirit of AFD, the first of April, the day that cometh first in the month of April, April 1, 2011 or as the Europeans write it, 1 April 2011, I bring you a special message from middler-soon-to-be-senior, Alex Pufflefrither Wirth. Please be advised that sometimes, we can have fun here. Until next week friends.
To whom it may concern,
Hello, this is a message from the office of Mr. Alexander Wirth. Congratulations. You have been authorized to receive a copy of the official biographical statement of Mr. Wirth. All of us here hope that this document proves satisfactory in addressing all of your queries and concerns. All quotations here within are approximate. All persons, groups, and/or corporations portrayed are legally fictional. Any claims to truth and all positions and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect that of Alexander Wirth Inc. or this station. Complaints can be directed to the complaint department at 1-800-OHH-WELL.
Without further delay: The Alex Wirth Story
What defines a person? What makes a life? Who knows? Growing up in the shadow of my father, J.G. Pufflefrither, famous American, robber baron, and chronic chatty cathy, I often asked these of myself. I think now, in my dwindling years, I have a grasp on something that could pass for an answer. That answer is… HA! Did you really think I’d give you that one up front? HA again and HA indeed! Truth is, I know nothing besides what I am. What I am is a poor boy who grew up, by the grace of God, to become a rodeo clown, a fashion designer, and a gentlemen. Though none of these career paths have brought me great wealth, inheriting a bunch of money from my father did. As an heir, a trustfunder, and man-about-town, I have excelled, which is to say that I have certain gifts that lend themselves well to schmoozing, champagne ordering, pony purchasing, and the power to talk (or write) for hours on end with out any real substance bubbling to the surface. That said, I won’t burden you with the rest. If you have any further questions, contact my office and they will send you my official biographical statement. Thank you and good night.
J. G. Pufflefrither Jr’s biographical statement composition comitee.