Reflection On Forgiveness
12-01-2021
By Maryclare Beche
We live in a world that is filled with disunity, disharmony and violence left, right and center. Humanity is in disharmony with nature, countries fighting against other countries, tribes fighting against tribes, strangers hurting strangers, and families fighting against each other. In such a world, the topic of forgiveness is not only very important but relevant too. In Exploring Forgiveness, Enright & North define forgiveness as, a matter of a willed change of heart, the successful result of an active endeavor to replace bad thoughts with good, bitterness and anger with compassion and affection. Forgiveness involves overcoming negative feelings such as anger, hatred, resentment, desire for revenge, and replacing them with positive emotions such as compassion, benevolent even love. It is resisting thoughts of revenge, wishing the other person well, having sympathy for them, and even praying for them.
Forgiveness is a process that can sometimes be long and very tiresome. The journey begins with a choice and a commitment. The commitment to forgive often comes before the feelings of forgiveness, and most of the time even long before. It is important to note that the offense committed may mean that we cannot trust that person again, and that is okay. However, It would be wrong, to refuse to forgive or ever trust the person by not accepting any efforts to seek forgiveness or to establish trust.
Let’s take a look at these two short stories
Katana calls his friend Jabali and says, “yesterday in class Juma really hurt me. He told me that I was not good at interpreting scriptures and that maybe I should reconsider my calling. I feel so hurt.” After hanging up, Juma calls Katana and tells him he was sorry, “please forgive me, I don’t know what really came to me. I shouldn’t have said what I did.” Katana responds, “No it’s okay, there is nothing to forgive. I was not hurt at all.
Maria taught bible studies in place of the Tatu, the regular preacher who was on vacation. During the session, Yona kept disrespectfully interrupting and disagreeing with everything Maria said. Later when Tatu returned and went to thank Mariah, she explained how hurt and disrespected she felt. “I will never never want to teach again,” she said. Tatu offered to call Yona and during the call, Mariah expressed how she felt, the frustration, disrespect and hurt. Yona apologized and asked for forgiveness. “I forgive you Yona” Mariah says.
In the first story, it is clear that Katana’s forgiveness is not real. It is not sincere because he was expressing how Juma did hurt him. But then when Juma apologizes, he goes ahead and says that he was not hurt. On the other hand, the story of Maria is a clear example of sincere forgiveness. She expressed how Yona had hurt her, Yona apologized and Maria accepted the apology. These two stories shows us that forgiveness has to be sincere, on both the offender seeking forgiveness and the one offering forgiveness. Lastly, it is very important to offer forgiveness only when one is ready to do so. For in forgiving the wrongdoer, what the person offering forgiveness will be saying is, this wrong you did to me caused me pain, but it is over now and I will not allow it to hurt me anymore. I will put the wrong in its proper place, as one thing which happened in my past, which I have dealt with, which I forgive you for, something which is only one small part of my whole life story.
Work cited
Robert D. Enright and Joanna North, eds., Exploring Forgiveness (Madison, WI: University of Wisconsin Press, 1998) page19&20.
Harriet Hill, Margaret Hill, Richard Bagge, and Pat Miersma, Healing the Wounds of Trauma How the Church can help (Nairobi, Paulines Publications Africa, 2004)
In the next issue I will be reflecting on what forgiveness is not. Click here to send any questions, concerns or responses.
Photo by Ivana Cajina on Unsplash
