What If God ...?

03-01-2021

By Brenda Pogue

What do you pray for when you’re between the darkness and the light? Late in the afternoon on Christmas day, my 90-year-old mother was rushed by ambulance to the hospital. Anyone who has had this harrowing experience understands the waves of trepidation as one’s loved one is rushed away in a fog of whirling red lights and blaring sirens. Is this how we end? The mind is disjointed, lacking any semblance of orderly thought. The body functions, but without any real purpose. Terra firma is now sinking sand.

Life is knocked instantaneously out of control. Being out of control is compounded by being out of contact due to the guidelines of a national pandemic. Helplessness multiplies exponentially. What can one do? Only wait. Wait in the surroundings of one’s loved one, where every eyeful is a cherished memory. Late afternoon fades to midnight. Sleep is elusive, but sunlight is not. Sunlight, once joyful, brings another day of sorrowful separation. Lifelines to one’s loved one become those who answer hospital phones. Understanding nurses are understandably detached. Others’ loved ones are in their charge too, too many loved ones to care for during their twelve-hour long shifts.

What do I hope for, and who does hope benefit? Caught in the in-between, between hoping for her recovery and thoughts of planning for the worst, what do you pray for? What if God, who set before us life and death, knew that this time would come? When I knew not what to pray for, I simply prayed for God’s will, and for the strength to accept whatever God’s will would be. My mother and I celebrated Christmas in January.

Photo by Mike Meyers on Unsplash