Welcome College Freshman: Parental Advice from Someone Who Isn’t Your Parent

08-27-2016

By Rev. Wayne Meisel

For the third time in four years, I have a son heading off to college.

Over the past four years, I’ve had time to think about what I’ve said, what I wish I’d said, and what I wish I hadn’t.

I’ve had my kids under my roof for nearly two decades. Now, it’s time for them to make their own decisions. My hope is that some of the good stuff will stick, and some of the things I regret will roll off their backs. As they move into new chapters, I’m still around, but there are others whose voices will add to the cacophony of advice: peers, teachers, employers, neighbors and strangers. My prayer for my kids—and all students—is that they encounter people who are kind, steadfast, faithful and gracious.

My own first semester in college - in particular the first week - was a defining period for me. It was not my most successful or happiest time. But it was a time of discovery, humility and new beginnings. A lot of things didn’t go my way athletically (I got cut from the soccer team the first day) academically (I had no idea how to pick four classes out of a three hundred-page course catalogue) or socially (I fell in love at least three times). I searched for (and never found) the perfect party. But amid the struggles, the people I met brought forth a great sense of joy and belonging that has defined my life ever since.

So with joy, grace, and humor I want to share eighty-four insights to all those who are heading of to college for the first time:

• * Nothing good happens after 1 AM

• * Ask for help

• * Self-deprecation is not attractive

• * Be a sponge

• * Never settle

• * Learn to compromise

• * Seek out free coffee

• * Scope out a study-place

• * Find a space where you can cry

• * Be yourself, friends will follow

• * Don’t sign up for those “free” credit cards

• * Vodka is dangerous

• * Drink to have fun, not to get drunk

• * Choose something

• * Pay attention

• * Have fun

• * Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t

• * Read critically

• * Listen to lectures intelligently

• * Ice cream is not a food group

• * Study abroad

• * Don’t compare your inside to other peoples’ outsides

• * Put inspirational quotes on your wall

• * Get enough sleep

• * Do the basics without being told

• * Time management matters

• * Get it done

• * If you hate it, change it

• * If you don’t like the classes in your major, switch

• * It’s totally ok not to know what you want to do

• * Say thank you

• * Get to know someone you admire

• * If a new friendship is too much work, move on

• * Don’t go home

• * Know where the counseling center is

• * When you’re stressed, take a shower and go to bed

• * Seize your chance to be a brand new you

• * Be the person you always wished you were

• * Go

• * It’s not a competition

• * Fail well

• * Stick with it

• * Finish what you start

• * Don’t start dieting during exams

• * Start a study group with smart people

• * Get up and go to class, even if you are hung-over

• * You don’t have to drink

• * Freedom is dizzying

• * Debt is dangerous

• * Think about the friends you’re making

• * Go to the writing center

• * Watch for opportunities

• * Try everything

• * Don’t sweat the advice

• * Yes means yes

• * No means no

• * Set a schedule

• * Develop a routine

• * Follow your heart, not the crowd

• * Ask for help

• * Learn how to eat cafeteria food

• * Go to the gym

• * Someone is paying (a lot) for this

• * Racist jokes are not funny

• * Sexist jokes are not funny

• * Homophobic jokes are not funny

• * Be open minded

• * Practice safe sex

• * Don’t be a knucklehead

• * Explore your faith with others of different faiths

• * Do it anyway

• * Delve into mystery without defining it

• * Don’t be in school if you are not taking it seriously

• * Faithful is more important than successful

• * Don’t text your parents

• * Learn to dance

• * Show up at events put on by other students

• * There is no such thing as a stupid question

• * Attend culture events that are different from your own

• * Mix it up

• * When you’re going out, buddy up

• * Identify a cause and commit to it

• * Take an art class

• * Do an alternative spring break

• * Make your life extraordinary

If it is not as much fun as you thought it might be, don’t fret. Movies often distort the realities of war and college. Just know that it is a time of transition and hopefully transformation. You might not want to hear this, but if you follow this list, I am pretty sure you will have a great experience.

And advice for parents: Stop giving advice and start giving understanding, grace, support and love.